h i n t e r l a n d s o f w o n d e r

Subject:	in which anh resumes writing a little bit.
Time:	10:41 pm.
Mood:	not quite right.

maybe if i write more often, it will make my brain less messy. clearly, i'm meant for externalization. and honestly, i was probably more sane when i spent less time percolating.
it's a damnable situation, this busy time, forcibly inclining a thorough extrovert into situational introversion.

i'm also beginning to think my major vice is overcommitment, as though being too busy and too tired to think about anything would actually solve anything. anyways. anxieties onward.

today, i got into some weird stare-interaction with some older guy in the trader joe's georgetown parking lot. to be fair, it wasn't exactly unmerited - a couple of people crossed behind me, and i didn't see them at first when i started backing up, but i did stop - way shy of actually doing any damage (i think). he seemed more put out than anything, and while i was slightly abashed because i hadn't seen the pedestrians, i didn't think it was something to get so worked up over. after all, it's both of our duties to avoid accidents, right? so, yes, i need to not nearly run over you, but you do also need to be aware that a car that's clearly in reverse might not see you in a crowded parking lot. just saying.

either way, it's been bothering me for like, the last few hours. i mean, he sat in the middle of the parking lot and stared at me for at least 20 seconds, as i pulled back out of my space, straightened, and pulled back in (i didn't have enough clearance between the car and the concrete barriers to open my door). was he memorizing my license plate? getting ready to set the authorities upon me for driving while asian? (that's a flippant and terrible - yet slightly ingrained - response.)

it's probably overwork - too many hours in the office + too much time at school + too much outside time spent working on charity stuff, but it all compounds into a big paranoid ball for me. like, WHAT IF HE'S SOME CRAZY MOB BOSS? Or like, RUSH LIMBAUGH??? or someone else insane? it's dc, after all. i could have come ever-so-close to knocking off a senator (although death by mini cooper would be unlikely at low speeds - more like slight-to-moderate bruising of one's dignity by mini, really). he could be sending the capitol police after me!

oooooor he could just be some irritated old guy.

written out, anxieties get more ludicrous, but lately i've been growing a prodigious crop of them for no apparent reason. it could be the trappings of adulthood coming on with a vengeance, as we're positively aflood with weddings and babies and change, but that seems like a silly way to cope. then again, not like we get to control how we cope on a conscious level. we'd be happier if that were the case. whatever it is, i like it not.

and seriously, what would it take to ground me in each moment instead of in the worry that i'm not spending it the right way?

what is the right way? is this some kind of anthropological phenomenon evolving out of economic gloom n' doom, 2012-mytho-ridiculous apocalyptica, crappy reality coverage of terrible specimens of humanity, and the "quarter-life crises" of generation y?

i don't even know. and honestly, not like it would matter (or help) if it was something i could parse and write a 15-page paper about.

mostly, i probably need some time for fun, a serious vacation, and a lot less stress. none of these things appear to be forthcoming. so, i'll probably be complaining a lot more. apologies in advance to anyone who gets a dose of this radiation.

god, i have so much crap to do.

Comments: 1 washed-up child star - wanna be a star?.

Subject:	a note.
Time:	11:10 pm.

it actually makes me rather sad that heath ledger is dead. "10 things i hate about you" was pretty much the pinnacle of teenybopper shakespearean modern reinterpretation movies, "knight's tale" was a guilty, queen-infested pleasure, and i was really, really, really looking forward to "the dark knight." i mean, i still am, but man. heath ledger was the hot guy for all the girls who felt rebelliously kat-ish in high school. who doesn't want a guy to like you enough to sing "can't take my eyes off of you" in public with the accompaniment of a high school band? man, i'd still get all fluttery and squealy if someone whipped that out.

definitely the kind of actor you think "hey, hot and talented" rather than "hot but fuckin' retarded." it could have been one of a dozen more likely candidates. ugh. boo.

Comments: 6 washed-up child stars - wanna be a star?.

Subject:	things proceed a-pace.
Time:	11:48 pm.

been a while since i've made with the post-y post-y. it's been a leetle hectic since our return, but i think we're beginning the long slow process of re-settlement.

to wit: i have employment that is not entirely furnished by nepotism or desperation, as i am currently working at an architectural firm of awesome in arlington, and hopefully garnering a more permanent position thereat sometime soon. but so far, i'm really digging it and feeling more and more convinced that architecture is where i'm going to go. less hare-brained multi-tasking, more change!

the jew and i are attempting a move to old town alexandria, to hopefully be accomplished sometime in the next week. more details on that forthcoming, but so far, i've picked out a color scheme for the living room, because welll...i can't help myself. teal! tord boontje! medium brown wood! liiiiight! etc. etc. etc.

there's actually a mess more to report, given the busy-ness of the last few months, but alas, i am too tie-tie to engage in more reporting. apart from the fact that jen's going to be inducing tomorrow (!), i will record more later.

Comments: 3 washed-up child stars - wanna be a star?.

Subject:	ideas and mutterings regarding eventual apartment
Time:	4:47 pm.
Mood:	thoughtful.

~ bookshelves. many, many bookshelves for books, notebooks, sketchbooks.
~ cooking space.
~ comfy couch(es).
~ stencils? wall appliques.
~ floating frames.
~ ebony woods, stainless steel, translucence, and cushy pillows.
~ a nice flat-screen. :P
~ a separate mini-fridge for stinky food (crushed garlic, kimchi, shrimp sauce, etc.)
~ decent lamps. i'm looking into led clusters for decorative purposes as well. anyone any good with wiring things? i'm sure i could figure out the circuits myself, but...i'm lazy.
~ floating shelves for pictures. then again, in a rented apartment, i'm not sure how they'd feel about me anchoring things to studs.
~ modern comfort and a lot of light.
~ workspace for knitting, crafting, drawing, etc. who needs a dining room anyway? :P
~ somewhere pretty to put my MASSIVE PEN COLLECTION (debs, i think it's outgrown the hatbox. maybe i should actually start putting my hats in the hatbox?) since muji's opening in new york, maybe i'll buy something from them...
~ tord boontje, i loves you. (modern poverty)
~ shelf-grid!
~ ikea hacking?
~ artwork from jason sho green.
~ frame my own artwork, which is a game i suck at.
~ ORGANIZATION

muttering shall continue later.

Comments: wanna be a star?.

Time:

4:14 am.

i had a somewhat unsettling experience on the nankai in osaka today.

aaron and i were riding the train today around 4 p.m., and chatting about our plans for vietnam (if anyone else has gone there, feel free to tell me allllll about it, but that's a cheerier topic). around kishinisato-tamade, a blocky, 40-ish man with glasses and the usually fabric briefcase boarded. no big, right? business as usual in osaka.

the minute the man came on and realized we were speaking in english, he began yelling at us, in very rapid japanese. the bf and i were both momentarily taken aback, and stopped talking, at which point the man muttered something in our direction and closed his eyes. so, not having really caught what the dude's deal was (we thought it was possible he thought we were loud...), we started talking to each other again at cell-phone-on-the-train-standing-in-the-corner-with-my-hand-cupping-the-mouthpiece volume with our heads together, when the man started yelling at us again...

my japanese is what i would term "survival," but i caught "eigo!!! shaberimasen yo!!!!" and various other things aimed at "eiiiiiigo!!!!" speaking. it was pretty appalling, and other japanese people on the train were staring at him in what seemed to be a combination of shock/bemusement. i did get a bit riled, but we attempted to ignore him until it started getting louder and louder, at which point i looked at him, and said, "shut up."

i know, i know, not the best tactic, but i was feeling like it would be appropriate to be a asshat gaijin woman right then :P. and then we went back to talking about vietnam. the guy was shocked for a second, and then started screaming "shut up?? SHUT UP???" and yelling in japanese again, and aaron and i just looked at each other in disbelief. i did start laughing uncomfortably, because i simply didn't know what to do, at which point the guy got up, and came directly over to us, and stood in front of us still yelling. he was actually yelling at me personally at this point, and i really felt like he was about to hit me. but, we just stared at him, and i was like..."iie," in response to him telling us to "eigo ni shaberimasen yo (stop speaking english!!")

he yelled at us some more, and then got off at shin-imamiya station, stopping to stand in the doorway of the train to scream.

so yeah. i have no idea what to make of that. we've been here for four months so far, and people have generally been perfectly...normal...people. occasionally rude, occasionally hissy, generally pretty polite, etc. nothing like this before. and usually, when older men scream "american!" at me, it's followed by, "i speak english! let's practice!" which i'm perfectly willing to oblige for a few moments as i wend my way from station to station.

in a sense, it's really marred my enjoyment of japan, leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth and a lingering sense of unease. it was just very uncomfortable, and i felt like...if we were back in dc, there would have been cops waiting for him at the next station or something, you know? it was less reassuring realizing that i didn't exactly have the lingual capacity to ask for help or have any idea what recourse would take should he actually slap me and cause me to provoke an international incident.

on a lighter note, aaron and i theorized he was a disgruntled eikaiwa student.

there were nice things from today, but i can't really prevent myself from dwelling on that one, since it was just so distasteful. i'm hoping a couple of days will dull the sharpness of the experience.

Comments: 4 washed-up child stars - wanna be a star?.

Time:

6:51 am.

holy shit, i just ordered a pizza from pizza hut in japanese.

TORTUROUS (for me, and probably for her). seriously, it took like 20 minutes.
(badly transcribed)

"moshi moshi (unintelligible japanese)!"
"pizza hut desu ka?"
"hai."
"can i make an order for delivery?"
"(dead silence.) chotto matte o onegaishimasu!" (hold)
"hai, namae desu ka?"
"a-n-h."
"a...e...h?"
(insert more repetition of how to spell my name, followed by eventual resignation)
"hai, so desu...")
"haaaaai, jusho wa nan desu ka?"
"(address)."
"haaaaai, (insert japanese anh doesn't understand here)"
"uhhhh...order desu ka?"
"oruda...? mo ichido o onegaishimasu."
"or...derrr?"
"haaaaai, yoroshii desu."
"korean bulgogi pizza, medium?"
"hai."
"orientaru sarada?"
"haaaaai."
"baked potato (which according to the menu, is actually fries)?"
"...bakee pota...?"
"err. baked. po-te-to? (katakana pronunciation)"
"hai, yarashii(?) poteto"
(insert ensuing five minute thing that i totally didn't understand, but assumed was crust, based on hearing the words "pan," "chiizu (cheese)," "crispy," and "sausage." i think she also asked me if i wanted drinks.)
"sanjuppun arimasu. arigato gozaimasu!"
"arigato! gomen nasai..."
"daijobu desu. do itashimashite."
"shitsureishimasu!"
::click::

Comments: 1 washed-up child star - wanna be a star?.

Subject:	omg, dudenesses, you're so in for an anthro-rant eventually.
Time:	11:34 am.

BECAUSE THE JAPANESE ARE CRAZY.

i mean that anthropologically, of course. although in that regard, i'd have to go on at like, thesis-length discussing how the dichotomy of tradition and modernity in japanese culture is expressed and recycled and that COULD TAKE DAYS and SEVERE EDITING.

seriously. it's simultaneously objectively fascinating and subjectively infuriating. in other news, aaron and i found an outback, and i ate a prime rib. and it wasn't rare, but it was pretty much just like the one in vienna, except when we spilled a cup all over the table, the waiter apologized to US.

...

and then bowed, repeatedly, while backing away from the table. instead of like, hitting on my boyfriend (makes stabbing motions with steak knife in direction of "steak"). the bread was totalmente inadequate, though. here in japan, we don't believe in your "pumpernickel" crap. that's against the gods. i'm not sure which one, but one of them finds it indigestible. hence!

also, did i make you look at a picture yet? no? let me fix that for you. here are two.

yes. also, "ethnic" food here is a bit of a travesty. i may have to learn to make my own ravioli/gnocchi/pita/naan/whatevernonjapanese foods OR I WILL HAVE TO MAIM SOMEONE. seriously, is that an egg in my curry? what's up with that?

conversely though, that foot-and-a-half long hotdog i had at one of the biggest temples in japan on new year's was pretty fuckin' amazing. PICS FORTHCOMING, but not of the hotdog. that got scarfed too quickly. :P

Comments: 2 washed-up child stars - wanna be a star?.

Subject:	per always :P
Time:	12:12 pm.

Dictator- ENTJ

73% Extraversion, 80% Intuition, 73% Thinking, 66% Judging

Have you no soul? It's clear you have no heart and that your blood runs cold, but really, do you have even one redeeming factor? Sure. You're a natural born leader. So was Hitler. You just don't like people, do you? You don't play games. You take charge. And there's very little room for mistakes in your world. You're forceful, intimidating and overbearing. Heard of the word "patience?" Trust me, it's a word and it's something you're sorely lacking. Believe it or not, you're not always right. Learn to have some patience for those who think differently from you, knobflap. From the way people's knees knock when they see you, you should have realised by now that you're not exactly a "people-person." You're more of a "people-eater." You just ain't tuned into people's feelings and probably couldn't care less whether you were anyway. Maybe you're not from this planet but the rest of us are. Sure, you're intelligent. So what? You have some semblance of power. Big deal.

At least people LIKE the rest of us.

*****************

If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.
*****************

The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

</p>

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Extraversion
You scored higher than 99% on Intuition
You scored higher than 99% on Thinking
You scored higher than 99% on Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Comments: 2 washed-up child stars - wanna be a star?.